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To Everyone I​’​ve Loved Before

by Victoria Bigelow

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1.
Thanks for coming I wanted you to miss me I wanted you to hate me For just a little while I feel nothing But I wanted you to kiss me I wanted you to remember The way that I smell to everyone I’ve loved before I apologize, I never was too sure of you Everyone I’ve loved before Was seldomly surprised I never was too sure of me I don’t want to But the shadows in my room Remind me of lying awake In the afterglow with you coke on weekends Scent of my perfume How long have I been with you In this place with someone new to everyone I’ve loved before I apologize, I never was too sure of you Everyone I’ve loved before Was seldomly surprised I never was too sure of me I never said, never said Never said I’m sorry Never said, never said Never said I’m sorry Never, never said Never said I’m sorry to everyone I’ve loved before I apologize, I never was too sure of you Everyone I’ve loved before Was seldomly surprised I never was too sure of me
2.
Lying in a room I hate Smells of smoke And the cheaper kind of taste I call you once to hear your voice The sound reminds me Of the choices the both of us have made And I fucking miss you But I’m feeling much better Now that we are not together I hear you’re lonely in some bar Our lives seem pretty parallel thus far Bodies move in the dark Foreign place Familiar thought I fucking miss you But I’m feeling much better Now that we are not together You ask me how I get to sleep It’s not too hard being tired when you’re constantly this bored I didn’t ask that much of you Or perhaps I did Just “entertain me for the moment” and I fucking miss you But I’m doing much better Not that we are not together
3.
Make Me Blue 03:08
I took a walk in the dark as I was coming down It’s five AM you have no clue where I am I pulled into the drive and slept in my car Your apartment is haunted Or maybe we just are And you can make me sad, make me blue But nothing compares to “I love you” And when you make me mad like only you do I remember me, remember you we made love in the yard and prayed we’d get caught I hate this place but it’s the only place I’ve got High with your cig in your mouth, hand in your pocket Yelling “I gave you the moon and you lost it” I was just a kid And you can make me sad, make me blue But nothing compares to “I love you” And when you make me mad like only you do I remember me, remember you Call me by my name, I’m what you know Everything’s the same, and you don’t grow I don’t want to stay but I don’t want to change I don’t want to have to be alone Call me by my name, I’m what you know And you can make me sad, make me blue But nothing compares to “I love you” And when you make me mad like only you do I remember me, remember you still I remember me, remember you Yeah I remember me, remember you
4.
5.
I’ve made my bed I’ve got nothing to do But touch myself and Think of you I get so cold shades of blue And I remember why I’ve been running since I learned to How can I live without you I don’t think I should have to How can I live without you I don’t think I should have to the worlds gone sick The kids are screwed And I can’t help But blame it all on you Down with the man Keeping tradition There’s no savior, just a complex Tiny rooms with partitions how can I live without you I don’t think I should have to How can I live without you I don’t think I should have to if you’re gonna give me the rain Bring the storm with it Remind me why I exist If you’re gonna give me the rain Bring the storm with it Remind me why I exist how can I live without you I don’t think I should have to How can I live without you I don’t think I should have to I don’t think I should have to

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released December 18, 2020

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Victoria Bigelow Nashville, Tennessee

Just a girl and some songs

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